Three Terms on the Sexuality Spectrum

kink, relationships, sexuality -

Three Terms on the Sexuality Spectrum

Sexuality is anything but binary; it’s hardly even linear. No part of it is black and white. What you like now, could possibly change next week or six years past that.  I think of it like a tree or a three-dimensional jungle gym where participants swing from bar to bar.

A podcaster I used to listen to years ago described her own marriage with her husband and how he was not honest with himself about where he was in relation to her regarding their sexuality. He loved her and wanted to do for he what she wanted but was growing resentful and unhappy with her sexual exploits and less than a year into the marriage, they divorced. She preached wholeheartedly about the vital importance of knowing where you are at on the spectrum so that you can have the open conversations that are needed to facilitate great partnerships.

To loosely describe how people generally take their sex, here are three very light labels that can be used to give a broad stroke as to where someone is within the spectrum.


A general term used by the kink community to describe non-kinky sexual behavior. Often associated as “generic” and “safe” that is not interested in experimentation or exploration. This type of sexuality is often discussed privately due to shyness or perceived appropriateness

Soft Kink

A term I made up to describe an area in between vanilla and Kinky. Sex is playfulness that could involve role-play and experimentation with toys, and light bondage. Conversation could be open but with the occasional euphemism.  Bait’D designs toys for this area to help bring spontaneity to the wearer without the public side eye from wearing a pair of nipple clamps around their neck.


Kink has a vast spectrum of it’s own, from the cliché to the obscure. Intense work into sensory experiences. Encounters are experienced sometimes as “sessions” or  scenes and frequently private. Boundaries are pushed, fetish work facilitated.

Even these terms are not exclusive and are just methods that I use to describe where the company or I is located when asked. Know where you are located so you can share this information with others. Your partners will appreciate it and your sex life will improve because of it.