I feel like I am lucky woman. I am blessed to be in a happy and fulfilled relationship that provides a platform for me to be my most authentic self as well as to grow into the grandest version of “me” that I can dream up. I guess I can be classified as a newlywed, being that I have only been married for two years. However, I am no stranger to long term relationships or even bad relationships. I feel like I now have all the skills and fundamentals needed to have a mutually beneficial relationship and the courage to obtain new skills as my spouse and I continue to grow.
That being said, I had a conversation recently with a friend that was telling me how exasperated and bored she was with her partner. That got me thinking about an article I read some time ago that mentioned “There is no such thing as sexual boredom”. After doing some digging, I found a text on the subject by Claudia Six called Erotic Integrity.
This book speaks on being your true self sexually with a nice section on what boredom in the bedroom really is. She says, “Boredom is canary in the coal mine of intimate connection. It indicates that something is wrong and you need to pay attention.” She further explains how the brain has a nifty trick of bypassing feelings that it finds uncomfortable and linking them directly to boredom. The core feelings that may be of issue could be unspoken resentments, guilt, depression, complacency, fear of rejection, low self-esteem and many others. All these feelings get balled up and “bored” label often gets applied to them.
Claudia, a sex therapist, encourages self-reflection into what feeling preceded the sense of boredom and to not allow yourself to accept just a vague awareness but to actually dig deep into the feelings. This also seems like a good time to bring in outside resources if possible as sometimes the feelings are more tangled that we realize.
I hope that my young friend has the courage to look into herself before blaming her boyfriend for her boredom. I hope that they can work together to create a mutually delicious relationship for the both of them. I will keep my fingers crossed for them.