One thing I absolutely enjoy about my work is the conversations that come up when I say I design BDSM toys. Usually in the other party there is an expression shock and then curiosity that turns into questions and some revealing conversation. All of this making me smile and often laugh out loud.
Working in this field, I sometimes see how people think a sex toy will fix their problems in the bedroom. I am sure it can be helpful but what I find troubling is how many people are having bad sex to begin with. In a recent and highly scientific (sarcasm) Cosmo Survey of 2300 women, 47% of these women with heterosexual relationships have issues reaching an orgasm. While on 25% of their lesbian counterparts cite the same problem. Digging deeper into the reasons they determined that much of that is the infamous “I was almost there” and the partner was not able to bring it home. A suggestion for resolving this for women would be to open communication in a non-judgmental way with your partner. Being clear, open, and honest in your sexual needs can also help strengthen a relationship. After all, your partner can’t read your mind and can only read your body so well. And please for the love of all things sexy, don’t fake an orgasm! You might as well just be lying to your person and that just sets the bar in the wrong direction and can be hard to come back from.
In addition, the survey suggested that the reason lesbian couples were having better outcomes was because of an overall self-comfort and acceptance was higher than their straight peers. It has nothing to do with a woman knowing another woman’s body but more of a woman’s level of being comfortable in her own skin. A woman already being comfortable with her sexuality often lays the groundwork to being comfortable with herself in other ways. The letting go of self-consciousness and self-doubt in those moments helps her to open up, literally and figuratively.
A third topic that was not motioned in the survey was a woman’s lack of sexual knowledge. I appreciate that we are in a growing culture of social and sexual acceptance, however there are still women out there that do not know how the birds met the bees or even how to make themselves climax. There are so many reasons for this logic, which I doubt, can be thoroughly explored in a blog posting or even one therapy session. For them, I will keep my fingers crossed that any woman lacking in this knowledge that you have kind friends and loving partners and that you can safely experiment with. And I wish you luck in your sexual liberation.
So bring a vibrator into the bedroom, masturbate, say what you need to say so that you can start and keep having great sex… and should your needs change… SPEAK UP! Life is to good to be having bad sex.